Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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