Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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