Moan for me like Helen Keller
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
