he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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