we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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