I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
