Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
