The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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