Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
