Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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