My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
