Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
