well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
