I can text with my tongue
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
