he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
