if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
