sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
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There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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