omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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