do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
