I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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