did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
