I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
