Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have demons in me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
