Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
