Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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