I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
