So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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