Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
