where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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