i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
