hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
