dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
