They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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