Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
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Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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