you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
