I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
