This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
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I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.