so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize