Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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