how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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