this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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