i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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