remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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