ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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