And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
