look no pants
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
