and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
