I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
