I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
