I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fuck appropriateness.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
