on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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