He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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