New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
