in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
