JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
