Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
