after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
