I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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