Best friends brother. Beat that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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