He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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