The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
