You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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