i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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