Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
