i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
