It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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