I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
