you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
