i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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