yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
