I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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