apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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