i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
