Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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