Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
