I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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