I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
