Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
