I am in a vortex of obligation.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
